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🚨 Funny Papers – February 27 2023

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Happy Monday.

The FDA approved an at-home flu test but unfortunately the company that makes it filed for bankruptcy. 

credit: giphy

In Case You Missed It. 

🇲🇽 Tens of thousands of people protested election reform in Mexico this weekend. 

🇮🇹 Dozens of immigrants died in a shipwreck that washed up on the shores of Italy this weekend. They are believed to be immigrants from Iran, Pakistan and Afghanistan.

🇨🇲 A bomb was exploded during a footrace in Cameroon this weekend, injuring at least 19 people.

💔 The U.K. and the E.U. are hoping to smooth out trade details over Brexit on Monday.

🔥 The Ohio Department of Natural Resources estimates that at least 44,000 animals have died from toxic exposure from the train derailment in early February. 

MARKETS

Gold

$1,810.19

Silver

$20.71

Bitcoin

$23,376.03

Dow

32,816.92

S&P

3,970.04

Nasdaq

11,394.94

*Stock data as of market close, cryptocurrency data as of 5:00pm AM. 

 

The Lead: Lab Leak Confirmed 

credit: skynews

The Wall Street Journal says that the U.S. Energy Department has concluded with “low confidence” that Covid became a pandemic due to a lab leak in Wuhan, China based on new intelligence. 

Did you know the Energy Department would be investigating Covid? That’s new to me. The Journal says that they were able to conduct an investigation due to their “considerable scientific expertise and [because they] oversee a network of U.S. national laboratories, some of which conduct advanced biological research.”

The FBI has already concluded this with “moderate confidence” based on their own investigations so no one is all in on this theory. It is worth noting, however, that the mass media once condemned the lab leak theory as racist and Facebook censored people who wanted to discuss it. 

The Spoils of War

credit: afp

The United States has certainly benefited from the war in Ukraine with a 38% increase in oil exports to Europe in the year since the war began. 

The U.S. has ramped up oil to Germany, France and Italy. Spain alone increased U.S. purchases of oil by 88%! 

According to the Wall Street Journal, “The growth in exports marks the latest milestone in the revival of U.S. oil production after years of dwindling market clout. Petroleum exports supported Allied countries during both world wars, but output then slid, along with the country’s sway over global markets.”

Given this renewed global clout, can the U.S. be trusted to promote peace? The Wall Street Journal does not ask this question but we all should. 

REAL, GOOD FOOD FOR DOGS

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Nom Nom’s already delivered over 40 million meals to good dogs like yours, inspiring millions of clean bowls and tail wags. Go to TryNom.com/redacted.

What's Black and White and Banned All Over?

credit: ap

Major newspapers all rushed to announce that they are removing the Dilbert cartoons from their pages because of controversial comments from Dilbert creator Scott Adams. 

This brings up an uncomfortable question: Is it okay to be white and is it okay to dislike whiteness? This is what Adams was speaking about. He was asked to respond to a survey in which Black people disagreed or were not sure about the statement “It’s OK to be white.” He said that this constituted a hate group and that white people should “get the hell away” from people who feel that way.” 

Is this dangerous to say? Yes. Is he trolling? Possibly. Is there something in there to think about for all of us? Absolutely yes. If his intention is to say that no race-based discrimination is okay, even towards white people, then is there a way to say that? 

He also makes another uncomfortable point: neighborhoods and schools with a majority Black population are not thriving. Should we be able to discuss this without canceling people? 

Adams may be using this controversy to catapult himself into a political career. He will make some sort of announcement about this on Monday.

What's Trending?

credit: nbc

Woody Harrelson is trending because of his monologue on Saturday Night Live where he calls Big Pharma a drug cartel. 

Zendaya is trending because she looked so pretty at awards shows this weekend. 

National Day of Hate trended over the weekend because that was on Saturday. It was reportedly a neo-Nazi-created day but mostly it only happened on Twitter. 

News By The Numbers

13,000. That is how many low orbit satellites China wants to launch in order to compete with Elon Musk’s Starlink network. 

4 minutes and 17 seconds. That is how long the new Brad Paisley song is that features a phone call with Ukrainian President Zelensky. 

4.2%. That is how much inflation was up in Japan in January.

21%. That is how many Americans think Ukraine is winning its war against Russia, according to a new Rasmussen poll. Nearly half think that the war is in a stalemate. 

Hello class… let's all welcome our new student They/Them

credit: getty

A university in England is suggesting that everyone be referred to in gender neutral terms until they confirm their gender themselves. 

The University of Kent’s Equality, Diversity and Inclusivity section of their website instructs people to ask someone’s pronouns before addressing them and if you don’t get a chance to ask, use they/them just to be safe. 

Questions about this: Could this be construed as gaslighting people’s instinctive ability to determine gender, something most species can do for the purpose of procreation? Also, could it not be construed as misgendering non-transgendered people? 

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This newsletter is written and researched by Natali Morris.
Please feel free to reach Natali at [email protected]
for any editorial feedback.